U.S Army

Your awesome Tagline

34 notes

People are morons...

Guest:
Excuse me but I ordered Grauburgunder. I have a very refined taste so I can tell you clearly brought me the wrong wine.
Me:
I am so sorry. *walks back inside, and outside with the same glass, nothing changed* Here is the wine you ordered.
Guest:
Now that's Grauburgunder! See I could tell right away you fucked up.
Me:
Again I'm so sorry. [internally cackling like a maniac]
What the fuck...
__________________________
Guest:
Excuse me, what does Iced Coffee taste like?
Me:
Iced Coffee.
Guest:
Oh... okay...
On the same note...
Fellow waitress (who has been working there longer than me):
Do we sell vanilla ice?
Me:
Let's see. What do we put in [insert name of a bunch of drinks with vanilla ice]?
Felow Waitress:
Vanilla Ice.
Me:
Did that answer your question?
___________________
Fellow bartender brings food to guests and sets down the plates.
Kid:
Thank you.
Father:
Boy, let me tell you something: You don't have to say thank you when you are paying for it.
And people wonder why kids nowadays have no manners...
________________________
Guest:
Excuse me there is sugar in my Tequila. It tastes horrible.
Me:
Oh my I'm sorry. Did someone put sugar in the salt dispenser?
Guest:
No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt so I took this.
Me:
You used the dispenser that is huge and clearly has sugar in it?
Guest:
Yes. I want new Tequila.
Me:
It is kinda your fault you know...
Guest:
No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt. What was I supposed to do??
Me:
I dunno... NOT put sugar in your drink???
Guest:
You are very impolite I wanna talk to your supervisor.
Me:
You are talking to the supervisor.
Guest:
So can I have a new drink?
Me:
If you pay for it.
________________________
Guest:
I can't pay for the drinks I had.
Me:
Well you have to pay because I sure as hell ain't gonna.
Guest:
I don't have money.
Me:
Maybe you should have thought about that before you ordered 6 beers.
Guest:
But you have to understand... I took cocaine.
Me:
Oh. Now it all makes sense. You don't have to pay.
Guest:
Oh thank goodness.
Me:
I wasn't serious.
Guest:
But... cocaine... you know...
(I am not making this up.)
__________________________
Guest:
There is bees outside. They are everywhere!!!
Me:
Yes I can see that.
Guest:
Do something.
Me:
I am sorry I forgot the magic word that lets me control bees.
Guest:
...
On the same note...
Guest:
DO SOMETHING THERE IS A BEE NEAR MY TABLE!
Fellow Waitress:
I am sorry. You are welcome to go inside and eat there.
Guest:
I don't want to go inside. DO SOMETHING! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BEES!
Fellow Waitress:
Well I obviously gave birth to them, that's why you think I can control them but they grow up so fast... they won't listen to a word I say.
_________________________
Guest (to my former boss):
Excuse me but I don't want a black person to be my waiter.
My boss:
And I don't want racists eating at my reastaurant. Get the fuck out and never come back. Ever.