34 notes September 10, 2014 People are morons... Guest:Excuse me but I ordered Grauburgunder. I have a very refined taste so I can tell you clearly brought me the wrong wine. Me:I am so sorry. *walks back inside, and outside with the same glass, nothing changed* Here is the wine you ordered. Guest:Now that's Grauburgunder! See I could tell right away you fucked up. Me:Again I'm so sorry. [internally cackling like a maniac] What the fuck... __________________________ Guest:Excuse me, what does Iced Coffee taste like? Me:Iced Coffee. Guest:Oh... okay... On the same note... Fellow waitress (who has been working there longer than me):Do we sell vanilla ice? Me:Let's see. What do we put in [insert name of a bunch of drinks with vanilla ice]? Felow Waitress:Vanilla Ice. Me:Did that answer your question? ___________________ Fellow bartender brings food to guests and sets down the plates. Kid:Thank you. Father:Boy, let me tell you something: You don't have to say thank you when you are paying for it. And people wonder why kids nowadays have no manners... ________________________ Guest:Excuse me there is sugar in my Tequila. It tastes horrible. Me:Oh my I'm sorry. Did someone put sugar in the salt dispenser? Guest:No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt so I took this. Me:You used the dispenser that is huge and clearly has sugar in it? Guest:Yes. I want new Tequila. Me:It is kinda your fault you know... Guest:No the waitress wouldn't bring me salt. What was I supposed to do?? Me:I dunno... NOT put sugar in your drink??? Guest:You are very impolite I wanna talk to your supervisor. Me:You are talking to the supervisor. Guest:So can I have a new drink? Me:If you pay for it. ________________________ Guest:I can't pay for the drinks I had. Me:Well you have to pay because I sure as hell ain't gonna. Guest:I don't have money. Me:Maybe you should have thought about that before you ordered 6 beers. Guest:But you have to understand... I took cocaine. Me:Oh. Now it all makes sense. You don't have to pay. Guest:Oh thank goodness. Me:I wasn't serious. Guest:But... cocaine... you know... (I am not making this up.) __________________________ Guest:There is bees outside. They are everywhere!!! Me:Yes I can see that. Guest:Do something. Me:I am sorry I forgot the magic word that lets me control bees. Guest:... On the same note... Guest:DO SOMETHING THERE IS A BEE NEAR MY TABLE! Fellow Waitress:I am sorry. You are welcome to go inside and eat there. Guest:I don't want to go inside. DO SOMETHING! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BEES! Fellow Waitress:Well I obviously gave birth to them, that's why you think I can control them but they grow up so fast... they won't listen to a word I say. _________________________ Guest (to my former boss):Excuse me but I don't want a black person to be my waiter. My boss:And I don't want racists eating at my reastaurant. Get the fuck out and never come back. Ever.